forgive them

Before I dive into this I need to be honest with you: I’m so upset right now. I had this whole thing written out right from the heart. You know those modes you get into? When you’re just ready to write? The words were literally flowing from my brain to my fingertips and it was so much better than anything I’ll be able to regurgitate to you now. Somehow (!!!) the draft didn’t save and now I’m just sad about it. I debated even putting this out there now because a lot of the time when I write it just feels like a journal passage that I’m sharing with you and I like it to feel that way. I write to share my honest thoughts and spark real conversations not to meet some quota. Anyway — I feel the message of what I have to say is worth sharing and I hope I can bring it to you in the way I had originally hoped to.

The other day I was talking to one of my friends about some things that I’ve been going through in my personal life when she asked me if I’d read the book Let Them by Mel Robbins. I first explained that I was really trying to look to scripture for the answers to my questions but the answer to her question was no. I told her that I hadn’t actually read the book but I’ve heard Mel speak about the concept on podcasts and I thought I had a decent understanding of what it is (obviously the book would provide more depth) and I told her that for me, rather than let them, it’s going to be forgive them.

This is something I’ve been praying on for weeks because forgiveness isn’t coming easy to me in this situation. I’ve sat through it and had to hold myself back from telling my side of the story and defending myself with a long, well thought-out text messages or asking those involved to meet me in person for an adult conversation. It didn’t really hit me that I was actually praying for forgiveness until recently when I heard God say “it’s not about proving to them that you’re right, it’s about proving to me that you’re right.”

Gut punch hard truth.

When I tell you I wanna prove that I’m right so bad to these people… but after sitting with what I was hearing God say I swallowed my pride and my thoughts that anyone owed me anything (like a freaking apology) and I actually apologized for any part that I actually did play in the situation and for how those involved were feeling due to the entire situation, because the only thing in my control is my actions. I’d be lying if I told you I hadn’t resisted for a while because I thought that an apology made me look guilty — and I’m sure that’s what they think — but in the end it wasn’t about how it looked to them or how it felt to me it was about how it looked and felt to God.

Forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you and God.

You don’t need to be apologized to in order to forgive. That voice in your head telling you that you’re owed an apology and that you can’t even begin to think of forgiving them until they reach out to make amends isn’t from God… it’s from the devil. He wants you to stay angry, bitter, resentful, and hurt because not only does that drive a wedge between you and someone you care about it also drives a wedge between you and God. We are called to forgive others repeatedly and we see it consistently throughout scripture: Matthew 6:14-15, Matthew 18:21-22, Ephesians 4:32, and Colossians 3:13 to name a few.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you no longer have boundaries.

This one is difficult… and I’ve had a hard time finding clear answers in scripture about this. Proverbs 4:23 states “above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” and 1 Corinthians 15:33 says “do not be misled: ‘bad company corrupts good character.’” The conclusion I’ve come to is this: pray for them, pray hard for them, ask God to watch over them and bless them (and actually mean it). While you’re guarding yourself from who they currently are, ask God to make you and them a better representation of him. I believe until a change is made, it’s okay to distance yourself from people who’ve hurt you and aren’t in a place to work through it in a healthy way.

Keep praying for them, keep forgiving them.