the standard american burnout
I’m exhausted — but not in the way that you’re probably expecting me to be. We’re not gonna talk about the never ending grind of working until we die (though that’s also exhausting) and feeling like we owe our employers everything and the fact that calling in sick feels like an actual crime I could be arrested for. No no.
We’re talking about the physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion of fighting [what feels like] everything and everyone all at once. Is this food poisoned? Are these clothes made of plastic? Why am I sick? Why does my doctor just want to write a prescription? What’s in this pharmaceutical? Does it even heal anything? Oh good, another ad for GLP-1s. The never-ending (for good reason) skepticism. The conspiracy theories (that all come true). The distrust in [practically] everything and how deep the system actually goes. I’m tired. I’m. So. Tired.
If they’re not gonna kill us with food, they’ll kill us with drugs, and if they don’t kill us with drugs, they’ll send us to war for some other country’s best interest, and if that doesn’t work, they’ll impoverish us with taxes. Freedom. And yet, here I sit. Paralyzed. I can’t leave because what if America gets her balls back (HA as if)? There is no other country that offers what we [are supposed to] offer. So what then? The democrats and republicans all want the same thing, they’re just marketing it in a different way. It wasn’t too long ago that I believed we could vote our way to a better reality, a better country, a better future for our children, but I’ve come to the realization that we can’t vote our way out of this. Not really. We’re in too deep. Maybe our votes can slow it down or speed it up but we’re all in the same train on the same track headed the same way and we’re so beat down, drugged up, full of toxicants, and just comfortable enough that we don’t have the energy or the true desire to jump off (because who’s about to change absolutely everything and risk losing it all when we could have some things that we don’t like but still live an okay life?).
They’re laughing at us. The politicians. The elites. Epstein files get released and they ask “what are you gonna do about it?” Charlie Kirk is murdered in broad daylight and when things don’t add up they again ask us “what are you gonna do about it?” We plunge into war with Iran while groceries and fuel prices sky rocket and they ask “what are you gonna do about it?” An executive order is signed protecting the poisoning of our food and it’s laughable at this point but still poses the question “what are you gonna do about it?” And finally the President of the United States posts himself being portrayed as Jesus and, drum roll please, “WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?” Oh sure we can make our little social media posts condemning this or that or call our representative and tell them we don’t like xyz and maybe it’ll help slow the train down but it won’t stop it. The reality is that we do nothing. We lost. We. Lost.
I was hopeful and confident during the covid years, I thought we had finally reached our tipping point. You can’t force me, an AMERICAN, to mask up. You cannot force me to inject myself with something I don’t wanna inject myself with. You can’t tell me I can’t leave my house. I’m an American and my constitution puts limits on the government, not the people. Oh but that ended real quick and so did that fighting American spirit. Back to being just comfortable enough and even worse, we felt like we had some sort of win under our belts, like we’d done something.
Our Founding Fathers would have started a revolution 80 years ago (or more, let’s be real). They’d be absolutely shook to see what the country they built on freedom and limited government turned out to be. That’s probably the most frustrating part of it all — this wasn’t supposed to be us. I love what we were founded on and still believe in those core foundations to this day (which almost feels like another drug in itself… like oh maybe we’ll get that back again, maybe we’ll experience that high one more time).
This post in itself breaks one of my core rules, complaining without a solution, but I am genuinely at a loss. I find comfort in knowing Christ already won but the way I feel outside of that gives me a heap of other emotions and struggles that I really need to work through.
I was just speaking to a friend from my bible study about this, we know that after we die there’s eternal life, so why are we so fixated and frustrated with this world? That’s the sin of the flesh, yes yes yes I get that, but it really does get hard and twisted and it plays mind games with me. I try to remind myself that God doesn’t promise me a beautiful, amazing life on this earth — He promises me eternal life, that’s the beautiful life. Whatever happens here is merely a stepping stone. So why does it boast so much importance in my brain? Why do I feel like if I don’t get to live a free, happy, beautiful, fulfilling life right here, I never will? Spoiler alert: I know it’s because I need to deepen and strengthen my relationship with the Lord. I need to truly love and value Him over everything else and I need to exhibit that in every area of my life. One thing’s for sure — I’m a bad Christian, but I’m trying.
Recently, I read this quote from Timothy Keller:
“If Jesus didn’t complain when he received a life infinitely worse than he deserved, how can I complain while I experience a life infinitely better than I deserve?”
And Daniel 3:18 (CSB) says “But even if he does not rescue us, we want you as king to know that we will not serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up.”
It would do well for me to remember these things.
When I really sit with these two I find myself asking if this is coming from a place of entitlement? Do I feel entitled to live in the America we were promised (yes)?? Do I feel entitled to live a better life than that of Jesus? The Jesus CHRIST??? Ouch. I think I do. I think I somehow deserve or even have some sort of right to a good, prosperous life with a comfortable living and kids and travel and lots of friends and nice clothes and all of the things when the reality is that I don’t. How embarrassing to think that I somehow deserve something more/better than what God has give me.
Wowowowowow. I know what you’re thinking, “she’s a bad Christian,” and you’re absolutely spot on correct. Please pray for me, for my heart posture, and my humility. It’s moments like this that I wonder how God can be so forgiving. It’s also so humbling, we think our sins are small and irrelevant but sin is sin and we’re all sinners. We should all be holding each other accountable and working towards something better.
So, am I burnt out? Yes. Am I bearing my cross? No, but I better start.
“And whoever doesn’t take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10:8
